Coconuts, Dancing, and Coral

It's been an eventful week on the island! Hello from tropical Saipan!

This week, we have seen some real Birdonnell family-style excitement. First of all, it turns out Landy is one of the finest tree-climbing bipeds in the entire world. His clawlike feet give him an unanticipated advantage, and the whole family has been enjoying the fruits of his labor. We had coconut meat soup last night as we drank pina coladas from halved coconuts. I finally figured out how to open the shell. First, Landy has to husk the fool things; he's got the sharpest teeth. Then I take the family machete and crack the thing open. Turns out you can't just tie it to the porch railing and whack it, though. I thought it would be that simple. Works with pineapples.

Apparently you have to use the dull end of the machete, and just give it some cracks as you rotate it in your hand. Who knew? Landy has stopped drinking regular milk and will only drink coconut milk. He says regular milk comes from "dirty cow". That's our boy. He still eats hamburgers, though, and probably will continue to do so until we tell him where they come from. Funny how life works. Crazy old life.

Lori swam the length of the island last week, which was a first for her. Landy and I followed in our double-kayak with emergency water reserves, but she never even stopped once for a break. It was quite a feat, twelve miles, and we're all very proud of her. When she reached the Southern tip of the island, right around Ladder Beach, she thought about turning around and swimming back, but Landy talked her out of it by yelling "shark!" over and over again. There weren't any sharks, of course, but it was still very convincing, so Lori got out of the water. We hitched a ride back to Garapan in the back of a truck with twelve other people. There was an elderly man amongst our rowdy party who whittled Landy a duck out of a betel nut. Landy loved it very much, but after another five minutes in the truck, the old man asked Landy if he could have the betel nut back. Then the old man took it from him, cracked it open with his teeth, rolled the betel nut into a pepper leave with some lime, and popped it in his mouth. Landy didn't cry or anything, because he never cries, but he told the man to "watch his back." That was a bit startling, but everyone in the truck just laughed and laughed.

Landy meant it, though. That old man better watch his back.

We made it home eventually, anyway, and we had coconut milkshakes with dinner. All in all, a successful day for the Birdonnells. Hope you're having great weather in the states!

Dia d'elmor

Happy Valentines Day to all of our friends and family back in the united states of the Uniteds States of America! The whole fam had a grand old time here in Saipan. Landy spent much of the day in his favorite place: McDonald's! He likes to hide, and the employees never seem to even notice that he's there. But if something went wrong, he knows what number to dial. The Grandma's. 4-1-9 something something something. I don't have it right here in front of me. But Landy knows it. He sings it as he falls asleep. It's the most precious thing.

Anyhow, while Landy frolicked with his friends in burger-world, Lori and I had the best date we've had since before we met and were dating other people. We went to the classiest restaurant on-island: the Nauru Tower. It's located in the revolving dish atop the mighty Nauru building in Susupe, and they are known for their scintillating steaks and their super-rare chicken steaks. I don't even know where they find these chickens that the steaks come from, 'cause they don't taste like what I normally think of when I think of chicken, but my God... delicious. Lori had a more difficult time deciding than I did, but she eventually decided on a side dish of a baked potato because it "was the only"... "dish that didn't leave streaks of blood on the chef's hands." She's such a crack-up. You have to love her; everyone says so. Everyone really makes a point of saying that. It's because she's deeply loveable.

We had a nice time there, and we had a panoramic view of the island the whole time. We must have completed fifty revolutions before our food even arrived. Actually, we completed exactly fifty-three. I was counting. It was moving a little faster than usual, if memory serves me correctly, because by the time we were supposed to have dessert, Lori and I were both feeling a little dizzy, and nauseated. And we both vomited, actually. I hadn't put it all together at the time, but now that I'm typing, you know how it is.... yes. It was probably that rate that the restaurant was spinning. Because the waiter actually fell down a few times over the course of the meal, come to think of it. But he told us he was epileptic, so we didn't really think much of it. But then, when I tried to put a chopstick in his mouth to keep him from biting his tongue off, one of the times he fell down, he tried to hit me. Well, he tried to hit me in the face, but he only succeeded in hitting me in the calf. And that's doing much better now, thanks for the card, Mom. Love and kisses.

It was really an enchanted evening, despite everything. So quiet. Just the two of us again. It felt like the good old days. We joked about just leaving Landy in the McDonald's forever. He'd be so happy, we joked, and he would have a steady source of food and employment. It's probably where he'll end up working anyway. They're considered one of the better employers in Saipan. I saw a list of the top ten employers, I'm trying to remember. I think it goes: Government Job, Private Schools, McDonald's. I can't remember the rest; it drops off pretty quickly after that. In a place where minimum wage is $3.05 an hour, it seems as if people almost invent jobs just to see what other people from Third World countries will do for that small amount of money. There's this one guy I know who hired a man to follow behind him carrying a banner that just says "Special Dude". Everywhere he goes, this employee has to follow behind him so that everyone knows: here comes a "Special Dude." It's pretty cool.

Wow, this has been a long one, but we just want everyone to know that we're doing great and we hope you're all doing great too. A Happy Valentine's Day to all the Fam from our Fam!

Breaking Bread

So the fam and I took a nice trip to the cliffs today. We didn't know exactly what else to do, quite frankly, or where else to go. It was just that kind of weekend where we were feeling a little marooned. A little isolated and whatnot. There was a large busload of Japanese tourists there and, well, you know how it gets here sometimes. We became something of a novelty and everyone was taking our pictures. It was fine at first, but then some of the tourists started making us take their pictures without even having us pose with them, not even Landy, and then it got to the point where they were ordering us around. Plain and simple. "Go over there." "No. More flash." "Tilt. Is crooked. Is crooked." And then this man cuffed me on the back of my neck, and scolded me for not holding my hands still.
Eventually, I just had to throw my hands up in the air and say, you know what, folks? My family and I, we just came for a bit of relaxation at one of the local hot spots. We aren't looking for any trouble, and we don't aim to cause any ourselves. It's just not our style. So look: we'll take a few more pictures, but then we're having kind of a picnic here.
Their bus was already gone at that point, I was kind of just rehearsing the speech for Lori and the boy, but I think my message was fairly clear. Landy said it was, anyways, and he's not the brightest, so if he gets it, well, surely they would have as well.
Anyhow, the rest of the day was fine, and we found a mango tree that was beginning to bear fruit. So it wasn't a complete bust.
All our best,
The Birdonnells